I had a revelation some time ago.
And when it arrived it felt epiphany-esque – the proverbial “ah-ha” moment.

What I found out:

Self improvement makes you nutty.
Overwrought + anxious

I’ve tip-toed around this concept in the past – thinking I understood the potential benefits of self improvement. I thought I was enlightened, ahead of the curve, on my own leading edge.

Yes, I told myself “THIS is how we grow + step into our greatness.”

Imagine countless self-help books + mantras.
Carefully constructed exercise regimens, notes taped to my bathroom mirror + scented prayer candles. Workshops, chakra cleansings and all the damn juicing diets.

Good resources yet, my intentions behind them were flawed.

My approach was wrong.

Because with every new chapter read, flame sparked, note taped
I sent out a silent, somewhat unexamined prayer that sounded like this:

Make me better. Good enough. Worthy.
Help me fix it, change it. Disavow it.
Make me more than what I am.
Because more must be better than what I am right now.

Flash forward:

I’m exhausted. All these freaking candles + I’m still me.
Oh wait. (light bulb goes off)
I’m me. I said it out loud. “I’m me.”

(G’head. Say it out loud. Feel the energetic shift pulse through your body.)

This is me. This is all I will ever have. Ever be.
When all else fails, this is the body, the breath, the spirit I rely on.
And I am relentlessly trying to “fix” her. Add “more” to her.

When what I really need to do is dive in even deeper.

OH I GET IT:

Self improvement implies there’s something inherently wrong with you.
It suggests that your full potential is only available IF you change something FIRST.

Talk about starting off on the wrong foot.

Of course there will always be something you want to improve. This is the evolution of living.
But what if we shift our perspective?
Freedom is in the perspective you consciously choose.

Instead of….

Fixing it, we refine it.
Changing it, we discover it.
Dismissing it, we dive into it.

Self Improvement, then, makes a cataclysmic shift.

We STOP trying to get fixed.
We choose to steep ourselves in awareness by getting intimate with the very thing we want to “make better.”

The new vantage point becomes one of innate approval + encouragement.

It sounds like this:

:: I go to the gym because I love my body when it feels strong.
Instead of: I workout because I feel fat and I really need to lose 7 or 20 lbs.

:: I see my therapist, coach, mentor because it helps me expand my thinking, discover hidden gems + get supported.
Rather than: I need to go to a therapist because I’m ‘effed up + I can’t figure things out on my own.

:: I set goals, create a vision board, repeat mantras all to encourage + nurture what is ALREADY powerful about me.
Not: What I have and who I am isn’t good enough and I want to magic myself into a new life

Let’s collectively agree.
Put down the self-help tome.
Step away from the juicer.
Take the therapist off speed dial.

Or don’t.
But flip your language.
“I preform these rituals to access what is already powerful about me.”
Again-
What–is– already– powerful– about– me.

And that leaves nothing to remedy.

+++++++++++++++++++

Do you have a pesky question burning a hole in your pocket? Email me at
d@danielle-dowling.com to submit a letter for my Smart Advice column.
Identities strictly confidential-of course.

© 2012 Danielle Dowling