Hi bright soul! Of course you want to be loved and in love! It’s only natural of you. Human beings are built to be in relationships with one another and we are happier when we are in quality partnerships built on mutual respect, trust and affection.
This is why it can be so hurtful and saddening to see friends and family engaged in the exact relationship we desire for ourselves. You’re happy for them but disheartened for yourself. Dear One, remember no matter your current relationship frustrations you have the power to instantly transform your reality and your life…forever.
You can step into what is possible and start on your journey to attract deeper levels of love and deeper levels of success… in the way you were designed to receive them! I have many tools for attracting a forever love but have included below what I think are some of the first essential steps. I hope you take this information, digest it, learn from it and start on your journey to attract deeper levels of love.
Here is the key mindset: when you harness the courage to express to yourself and the world the truth about what you want, are able to give, and are willing to accept in a relationship, you will be successful in love. Here are the questions you want to answer for yourself:
1. What Is Your Dating + Relationship Purpose?
What would you like the end result of your dating to be? With the end in view… where do you see your dating going? Right now, maybe as far out as you can see is that you want to find someone that you can sleep with every weekend. OR maybe you are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend. OR maybe you want to get married and you’re looking for a husband. And you want to state it—to yourself first and then to the person you are on a date with. (“I’m looking to just date.” OR “I’m looking for a boyfriend.”)
Can you imagine what would happen if you just came out and said it? How quickly you could sort through your dates? Instead of trying to figure out how long you have to go out with him before you bring up the concept of commitment and kids just to realize that he never wants to get married and that kids make him itch with anxiety?
What we fear the most is that telling the truth will make us unattractive. But in actuality it is the opposite. The person who wants to give you what you want will find your dating and relationship purpose very attractive. I want you to start to notice how attractive people are when they are being authentic.
A deal-breaker is an area of no compromise. We tend to lie/conceal around our deal-breakers. Often we don’t honor our partners deal-breakers OR our own. We think we can bring the truth out LATER when they love us MORE, when we have more power and we can change them. We often tolerate things we swear we never would just because we want the relationship to work out. And we subsequently waste a lot of time and energy trying to make them and us a version we are not and never will be.
Don’t do it.
You want to reveal your deal-breakers in the very beginning when you have the least at stake. Before all sorts of emotions and feelings have been exchanged. If they one day dream of moving to Zimbabwe and joining the peace corps and you don’t think that sounds like the best thing since your last girls trip to Cabo then walk away.
Other examples of deal breakers: children-timing and how many; money, the “when” of marriage, pets, religion, lifestyle choices (drinking, smoking).
3. The next thing to be honest and sincere about: The Give/Get.
Start with your dating purpose. You now have that kind of person in your life. Now what you need to figure out is:
:: what do you want to give
:: what do you want to get/receive
What are you able and wanting to give? Here are some examples:
- Financial support
- Home cooked meals 3x a week… or more?
- Lots of hugs and kisses
- Stimulating political conversation ect. ect.
What do you want to receive/get? Here are some examples:
- Travel companion
- Empathetic listening
- Career support–he needs to understand and cheer-lead you on.
- Travel companion
Here’s another dating tip gem. Drop The Scarcity Mentality:
The only way you will be able to honestly communicate all of the above to your dates or partner is if you drop the scarcity mentality you have been living with. There are over 3 million people in the United States. One of them will like you. It’s not a “quantity” problem–it’s a “sorting” problem. How fast can you sort through the possibilities? Instead of trying to make the most out of the guy in front of you.
Now in your hands is your blueprint for living success in love. Here’s what I want you to do with it — Be honest about it. Refine it whenever you like and use it as your guiding principals in love.
Remember, the better you know yourself the more clear and transparent you can be in love and life — and that is a recipe for success!
Image Credit: Journey into la Ville Lumiere