I was in a car accident.

And I’m fine. It wasn’t a bad accident. I bumped the gentleman in front of me and, oddly enough, he didn’t want to exchange insurance information because there was barely any damage to his car. I, on the other hand, needed $2,700 worth of repairs.

It wasn’t just a car accident, of course. (These things rarely are).
It was a spiritual lesson for me.

I had agreed to take a meeting that day with a former client — and honestly, I didn’t want to go.

Not because I don’t care about him or enjoy his company, but because I had a handful of other things that I REALLY felt I needed to do for my own well-being.

That morning, as I was putting on makeup and blow drying my hair, I kept thinking:
“How can I get out of this?”
“I wonder if I can reschedule?”
“What could be a good reason for rescheduling?”

What I really wanted to do was spend some time alone.
to read . . .
. . . to write . . .
. . . to go for a walk & meditate.

These activities would have FELT SO GOOD!
Like a soothing balm for my soul.  

But I went to the meeting anyway. (Sigh).
I went because I thought “I should.”
Because:
I thought “I have to.”
I felt obligated.
I didn’t want to disappoint him.
I was afraid that if I didn’t go, he might not want to work with me again in the future.

Yet — as I was reminded through the car accident — whenever we choose to do something, anything (even if it is well-intended) from a scarcity-minded place . . . life doesn’t flow.

We bump into friction — or, you know, the car in front of us on the street. (Same thing).
It’s a not-so-little tap on the shoulder from The Universe saying:
“You really shouldn’t be here in the first place. Wink-wink.”

How Embracing “I Am Selfish” Will Elevate You & Everyone Around You

So before catapulting yourself into an obligated “yes,” create more space and practice by asking:
“What is it that I really want right now?”
And if the situation at hand doesn’t FEEL GOOD, simply say, “I’m just not going to step into it.”

The ego will HATE this statement!
It might kick, scream, shout, and say: “WHAT?! Just do what feels good?! How selfish of you! You can’t JUST do what feels good. If you only do what feels good, you will never get anything done ever again and people won’t like you!”

But here’s what I’ve learned: When I do the thing I don’t want to do, I am literally pulling myself in two separate energetic directions. There’s the part of me that wants to go have fun and play — and the other part that is saying, “No, you gotta do the thing that you are obligated to do.”

This is actually how we end up feeling even MORE confused about what we “should or should not” be doing.

Every act, every decision we make, is a statement to ourselves and to The Universe about what we want more of.
“I want to feel good.” OR “I want to feel obligated.”
“I deserve to do whatever I want.” OR “I should just follow along and do the ‘right’ thing.”

You can decide: “You know what? I deserve to feel good …and I deserve to do the things that please me and not because I feel obligated.”  

Enter the ego:  “But I have to go to work, I have to feed my child, I have to take care of my husband — I can’t be selfish!”

Can’t you though? Being selfish is actually a really good thing! When we are “selfish” enough to UP our own energy level, we start to have more mental clarity, and when we are feeling good about ourselves — that positive vibration does DIRECTLY affect the people around us.

They might not know that on a conscious level, but you will see that their behavior will change around you.
Your raised vibration raises their vibration and it ends up being a win/win.

Still not convinced? Just think about all the people you know (perhaps yourself included) that are constantly doing and showing up for others,
taking on those additional projects,
working extra hours,
running even more errands . . .
. . . without much regard for what would please them, what would feel good to them.

Are they actually happy?
Or do you notice that perhaps they are always sick, overwhelmed, scattered, unhealthy, and exhausted?

The conditioned thinking goes that if you are there for everyone else, then everyone else will be there for you too — but what I’ve experienced is that this is more often NOT the case.

The world can only be available to us to the extent that we are already available to ourselves.   

The world we see and experience is just a response system — a mirror, if you will — of the relationship we have with ourselves. It is simply a feedback loop.

When you make the decision that feels good, life flows:

:: People understand why you couldn’t make it that afternoon.
:: He already made dinner reservations.
:: Someone else volunteers to plan your co-worker’s birthday lunch.
:: She was inspired to pick up the dry cleaning herself.
:: It all fell apart at the perfect time.

My spirit guides recently said this to me:
“If we could give you one formula for life it would be this:  FEEL GOOD = THINGS FLOW.”

When I arrived at lunch after my own personal back-and-forth and fender bender, my friend shared that he was exhausted from a busy 10-day stretch at work. He said he thought about rescheduling too, but didn’t want to disappoint me!

How funny.
If we had both decided to follow our hearts and choose what felt good, we both would have benefited.

Win/win. 🙂

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Danielle Dowling

Danielle Dowling, Psy.D. is a doctor of psychology and life coach, helping ambitious, driven individuals achieve the financial, spiritual, and lifestyle abundance they dream about.

Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen

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