Dear D, I Have Bad Taste In Men

Dear Danielle,

It’s no secret to my friends and family that I have relationship issues with men. I tend to pick men that are hard to be with and I just went through another terrible break up. This time he pushed me to the ground, told me he could blow my head off if he wanted to and told me I was the most worthless person he has ever met and he understands why last boyfriends broke up and why no one can love me.

However, we kept in contact. I miss the good times and I want him to say that he didn’t mean those things. I’ve called and texted more than should and I know I have pushed him to say these awful things. I know I’ve been obsessive about it, but I just wanted to understand.

Recently, I found out he has a girlfriend and he told me I have to stop contacting him out of respect to her. I’m so upset! Because 1) he moved on 2) he wants to respect her! and I never felt he respected me.

I know this might not make any sense, because I don’t want to be with him. I just wanted him to care and apologize for things he said but I don’t think he ever will. How can I stop with the obsessiveness and move on from this horrible experience. I feel so worthless.




Hi Elizabeth,

Oh, honey….

:: who was it so long ago that taught you that this was the only type of man that would love you?

:: who was it that made you feel you were worthless + not valuable?

:: who was it that taught you to not think highly of yourself? To settle?

:: who was it that taught you to be scared?

Mom, dad, caretaker, first boyfriend? I sense it was someone who broke your heart open with disappointment and disapproval. Yes?

My love, you were put on this earth for a purpose; a purpose filled with sharp, piercing light.

A purpose that is only yours to fulfill. You MUST grow into the woman that can fulfill this purpose. And to do that you must dedicate every ounce of your energy to becoming more you.

Becoming more you takes great love, focus + courage. You MUST haul your attention away from men like your ex.

Elizabeth, you must do this.
You have no choice.
This is what is required of you.

You make the decision.
It is YOU or HIM.
And the type of life and relationship he represents.

Men like him will never make you feel whole. Men like him will only continue to break you.
Who from your past does your ex-boyfriend remind you of?
Can you remember a time when you were treated in a similar manner?

Filling the void in your heart can not be accomplished just by having a man.
A man will not save you.
You must be administer of your own rescue.
Rescue yourself.
You are worth it.
I promise.

Start learning to love yourself so that you end the cycle of abusive relationships.
End the cycles for you.
End the cycles for your future children.

You get into less than adequate relationships because you do not value yourself as much as you should.
What drives you towards abusive, disappointing relationships?

Screw him and his new girlfriend.
Disengage from them.
You have what it takes to do just that.
Be brave enough to not pick up his calls or return his texts.
Be brave enough to not send a text when you are feeling lonely.

Love yourself more than you love him.
Love yourself more than you need an apology from him.

You feel worthless because you ALLOWED him to treat you that way.
Only you can grant the permission needed to marginalize yourself.

You are here to shine.
You are here to conquer.

Take your power back.
Start today.
Start now.

My love + good energy are with you always.
I am here for coaching if you need me on a regular basis.

Feel free to send feedback.



I’m a Los Angeles based relationship + life coach. I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition.   Want more life + dating advice?  Jump on my newsletter.   Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment?   Hire me.  You won’t regret it.

© 2011 Danielle Dowling


  1. Dear D,
    For years Ive been struggling to love myself and undue all the damage caused by my loved ones constantly putting me down.I am tired of the struggle:( Please help

  2. This is beyond helpful. You didn’t just tell her to move on, you told her (and me) why she/i need to move forward and into our purposes.

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