Dear D, I’m Getting Mixed Messages From A Guy

negotiation anecdote post

Hello Danielle,

I met this amazing guy on a dating site, he was very sweet, funny, charming, cute, smart and great to talk to. Everyday, he would text me and/or call me first, and even send me cute little good morning texts. Two weeks later, we decided to meet up and we finally did, five days ago.

We had a lot of fun on that day, by the end of the night, he was stressing
out about the distance and was worrying about the distance.  I believe I saw him crying.

Then, he decided we should just be friends, but he did say when the opportunity comes, we can try again. He also said that he will text me later that night. So two days went by and I haven’t heard from him. I feel so awful and used.  I decided to step up my game and send him a picture of the day we hung out and he still hasn’t responded. I feel horrible and stupid. Is he trying to tell me it’s officially over? Please help me.

Thank you.
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Mama love,

A truly amazing guy will be very sweet, funny, charming, cute, smart and great to talk to. Everyday, he will text you and/or call you first as well as send cute little good morning texts AND continue to do so without disappearing off the face of the earth or crying about a measly 40 minute drive to you. I’m sorry, but he sounds unavailable and (I know this is disappointing) his behavior (especially the crying?) sounds unstable.

I don’t want to leave the impression he is a bad guy, not at all, I just think he is not ready, not 100% ready, for the commitment you seem to sound like you are looking for. My boyfriend of two years, lived 1 hour from me up until October, when we moved in together. He would drive to me and I would drive to him. It wasn’t difficult at all.  Sometimes frustrating but our time together was totally worth it to me + vice versa. He would stay over at least one night during the week and we would spend Friday-Sunday nights together.  It worked well!

This guy’s behavior, no matter how sweet he might be, sounds erratic.

Really hot one day and really cold the other. Red flag.

On another note, be weary of how much you communicate with your date before you meet them in person. A few short conversations are fine but be careful to not overly invest your heart and energy before seeing them….because you can end up in a situation like this. You grew closer to him in your conversations before hand and it makes distancing yourself from his unstable behavior now more difficult because of the over investment. You deserve + should be looking for a man that is consistent and reliable in his behavior.

Words and actions alike.

Otherwise you’ll spend a lifetime beside yourself in confusion + mystery. In dating I encourage you, as much as possible, to observe impersonally rather than taking it personally. Be mindful to not attach too much value to anyone until prove themselves worthy of so.

Collect these experiences + put them in your tool belt of knowledge. Extract the lesson + throw away the rest.  Most importantly:  Know when to walk away.

Learn to recognize when they are giving you all they have and it is STILL not enough.
Your ability to “sort quickly” through the options will keep you focused and on your
own leading edge.
xx,

D

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I’m a Los Angeles based life coach + business coach.
I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition.
Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment?   Hire me.  You won’t regret it.

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