I messed up.
Like, big time.
I should have known better.
I thought I did know better.
Life can be messy.
One part spills over and mashes into another.
Never stagnant; ever shifting; interconnected + paradoxical.
Rendering the whole bit slightly out of our hands.
Have you recently (or not so recently) had a colossal mess up?
The kind where each time you reflect on it shame floods every cell in your body? Rushes to the tips of your fingers + flushes your cheeks pink?
Yeah. That was me.
I found myself asking:
“Aren’t I too old for this?
Can I really still ‘eff up like this?”
Apparently so. Because I did.
Diminished integrity makes for sleepless nights and churning stomachs.
I got into this mess because I doubted my capabilities.
I needed to stop the hemorrhaging.
But I’m choosing to view this mess as a reminder.
A reminder that I am in charge of how I feel.
Sometimes you need to feel bad and I needed to feel bad about this.
This was my chance to really, finally learn this lesson.
To really, really get this one so I would never have to repeat it again.
I found myself reciting the mantra “Do better.”
Getting gritty + humble is a necessity.
This incident was unacceptable. Doing better – the only option.
I decided to commit to refining my integrity +
tackling piles of emotional clutter + making an evolutionary leap.
To err is human and I won’t always hit the bullseye.
But I can come damn close.
And so can you.
We can play bigger;
I’d like to say “I’m Sorry.”
A bountiful, humble, heart open, I’m sorry.
I’m apologize to myself for doubting my abilities and
I apologize for the mess that resulted.
And I’d like to invite you to do the same.
Maybe you can’t make it all right, right now.
Maybe you don’t know how.
But maybe, just maybe you can start with a simple, elegant:
“I’m sorry + I will do better.”
If you wish, consider this is an invitation to declare a heartfelt “I’m sorry” in the comments below. You don’t have to go into detail, you just get to begin
with I’m sorry.