Have you ever experienced a moment where you felt yourself wondering: “Why do I have this self-contented smile on my face right now? Because I don’t feel proud of myself. Far from it.”
Personally, faking pride makes me feel like a big, fat phony.
It feels out of sync with my true nature. And I despise it. Like, wanna-crawl-out-of-my-skin despise it.
Let’s peruse through these thought jerkers + I’ll meet ya on the other side.
:: Are you proud of yourself, even through the blips, or do you fake it?
:: Are you proud of your romantic partner, or do you fake it because you don’t want to be/alone/single/start over?
:: Are you proud of your life’s work, or do you fake it because you are too fearful of trying to actualize—or discover—your true passion?
The fact is: We have ALL faked it before. We’ve all slapped on a smile, ignored the out-of-sync-ness + coped with the feelings of forgery.
And you have to admit—it feels empty.
Pride rooted in TRUTH and integrity feels sparky…twinkly.
It breathes life. Energy.
Igniting pure pride requires the courageous extinguishing of:
fear, perceived failures, disregard, excuses, greed, fear, arrogance, procrastination, self-doubt ambivalence, and did I mention—fear.
Stop picking a fight with yourself. Seriously. Stop it.
Listen…you’re gonna screw up from time to time. We all do. And when those voices of doubt + resistance start chattering away, pause + ask:
“Is this the truth—my truth—or does this sound like the voice of my mom/ex-boyfriend/former business partner/college professor?”
THEN (for good measure) pat yourself on your back for something deliciously brilliant you have done in the last three days. Big or small.
Pure pride comes from embracing the light AND dark sides of yourself.
Are you exhausted? Tuckered out from trying to make the MOST out of the partner you’re with? Even though your gut is screaming at a piercing volume: the relationship is O-V-E-R!
You are not happy. Go ahead—say it out loud.
It will sound like freedom. Ahhh.
Reality check: there are 310+ million people living in the United States, as of 2011. Ditch the scarcity mindset. Potential partners are abundant.
Let’s say half of them are the gender you are not interested in. That still leaves 155 million people. Someone will be a good + proper match. (Seriously: do the math.)
Ok, let’s say half of those 155 million people are already married.
So we’ve still got 77.5 mil left. Not too shabby. I feel very strongly that one of those 77.5 million singles will yield a better romantic relationship than the ill-fitting, over-compromised, passionless, emotionally void, perhaps abusive, marginalizing, or just plain ka-put one you’re in now.
WILL THIS BE EASY? HELL, NO.
YOU WILL BE ALONE (But just for a little while).
YOU WILL HAVE TO START-OVER (Yay-you do not have to live in mediocrity forever.)
Your life partner is a representative of you. He or she is an extension of your essence on the world stage. One would say, it’s pretty risky business faking pride in your other half, no?
A few epiphanies:
I loathe cubicles + neon lights and industrial carpet. The institutional nature of it chokes my soul. Depresses my creative juju.
So I kicked cubicles to the curb some time ago.
I decided to be an entrepreneur in part because I loathe being told what to do.
It took me 30+ years to clearly, concisely + powerfully declare what I want, out of my work. To unlock my mission, and be DONE compromising. My custom-made career blueprint is a vibrant, gushing, natural spring of grace, fluidity, deep down, in-my-soul-type satisfaction.
:: What type of WORK electrifies you?
:: What do people already praise you for?
:: What urgent call-to-action does your soul refuse to let you forget?
Your pure pride is buried here in these questions.
Excavate your life’s mission.
Hold it up to the light, like a newly minted hundred dollar bill. You’ll be able to tell if it’s counterfeit, or not.
Feel its potency. It will course through your veins and just “fit.”
And there is nothing fake about that.
I’m a Los Angeles based relationship + life coach. I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition. Want more life + dating advice? Jump on my newsletter. Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment? Hire me. You won’t regret it.
Do you have a pesky question burning a hole in your pocket? Email me at
firstname.lastname@example.org to submit a letter for my Smart Advice column.
Identities strictly confidential-of course.
© 2011 Danielle Dowling