In some ways we all have a childhood we are recovering from. Many of us have grown up in a simultaneously complicated yet loving, uncertain but supportive family environment. As a result we come to many erroneous conclusions about who we are, what the world is, and what is required from us to be OK, let alone “succeed” at life.
And as I see it, that same lot of us spend decades trying to unlearn and undo these false narratives. Steadfastly searching for a renewed sense of joy, freedom, and expansion.
I too have current and past struggles to clear:
:: My fear of being judged as inadequate.
:: How about the time I was in a car accident?
:: My laborious search for a new but somewhat evasive home.
I have found it helpful to talk to the young girl in me who insists that life goes well only when it is over-managed. It’s not really her fault that everyday must be planned out with multiple “to-do” lists.
And I can’t blame her for thinking that worrying about how things might go wrong was a strategy for making things go right. They are survival mechanisms… coping strategies of a little girl and young woman who thought this was THE only way to happiness.
I am learning to trust that The Universe will provide the people, experiences, and situations that are best for me and my growth at this moment. This doesn’t mean I never make a decision or sit in bed all day. Rather, I find that I am less motivated to control every minute and more motivated to create literal openings in my day, and emotional openings in my heart, for The Universe to fill with fresh possibilities. Possibilities I cannot currently imagine.
Instead of rushing in with a response or a reaction, I am practicing putting space and time in its place. More often I find myself quietly saying… “I’m sure this will resolve itself well for me.” And then I find it does. And I didn’t have to MAKE or force a particular result.
So regardless if your struggles are similar to mine or not, I wanted to share a conversation I have with myself when I am feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and triggered with old responses that don’t serve me.
Please feel free to make it your own, borrow this part or that part, swap out my experience or feeling for yours. I love you so. And know that we are here for one another…
What I Would Say to My Younger Self
Dear Little Danielle,
I know you have done such a good job carrying this weight. Such a good job taking care of me and protecting me through all of the years when I felt I was alone and that I was by myself and that I had nobody to rely on or trust.
I can appreciate all the work you have done for me every single time that I was taken care of and I thank you, and I appreciate you. Now I would like us to slowly let go of this boulder of responsibility on my back. This sense that I have to have it all together, that it’s all up to me, and that I alone must fix my problems.
It’s OK. Everything is going to be OK and The Universe is going to be there for us, so I don’t need to worry so much and figure out how to do this or that. Instead I am going to take a walk or nap and not feel like I need to do 10 things on my “to-do” list.
It’s OK, I will not take these coping mechanisms away from you all at once but we’re just going to rest a little more now, OK? Let’s go to the couch and take a nap.
I love you.