I Am Worried What You Will Think of Me. (Together We Can Learn to ‘Say Everything’)

My Fear of Being Judged + Why and How to Open Up to People

I don’t say everything.
I haven’t felt like it is safe to fully share myself.
With you or anyone.

That may not seem to make sense.
I write here.
I have a public business.
It certainly appears like I am sharing myself.
But I’m not.

I’ve come into the realization that I have felt safer sharing helpful information than
my vulnerable self.
My messy and uncomfortable feelings.
My set backs, growths, insights, and awarenesses.

My Fear of Being Judged

I have believed that if I share my authentic self, my vulnerable parts, then I’m not setting myself up as the professional.  And if I am not seen as “having it all together,” I will be judged as inadequate. Clients will go away… my business will fail.  And then of course, it’s not a far hop, skip, and a jump from generally feeling not good enough and like a failure!

I find that I also reserve myself in my personal life! I recognize that I am scared to share what I am feeling for fear of disappointing other people. I have it linked up in my subconscious that I need to be there for others, I need to always be the clear-headed sounding board who can quickly and neatly contain and clean up her own feelings.

And if I can’t… I will be judged as too much to handle and inconvenient.  I become an instant burden to the other person and disappoint them with my messy, unresolved feelings. So instead of consciously looking at this, I pushed forward presenting myself as the collected professional.

I purchased thousands of dollars of well-crafted, manicured Facebook ads.
I asked an editor to “polish” all of my writing.
I hired an Instagram expert to post updates for me.

All in the not-so-conscious effort to hide my vulnerable self.  

Now, none of those action items are inherently wrong. They may be in your best and highest interest. In the future they may even be in my best and highest interest. However, at this point in time, my specific WHY was misaligned and rooted in all the fears I previously shared.

Perhaps your heart can relate? In it’s own way? Somewhere, at some time in life perhaps you have felt and acted the same. I can understand.

I’d like to share with you what my spirit guides had to say about this.
I would like to imagine that it is a message of healing not only for me, but for you too.  

Why and How to Open Up to People: A Lesson From My Spirit Guides

–BEGIN–

Speak the truth that comes forth for you. You don’t have to prepare for it the way you used to prepare for it. Show up and say to yourself: “I am going to be a clear messenger for the audience that is waiting for me today and Universe, guide me and give me the messages for the people who are ready to hear me.”

That’s it! With ONE THOUGHT you can set the tone for the engagement, for the speaking, for the writing, for whatever it is that you are trying to do.  You set the intention and say: “This is the way I want it to go.”

The people who are ready to “wake up” will hear and realize “Ah, this message is for me.” They feel like a light bulb goes off and they feel like “OH, look at this… I can finally see the room! I finally understand.” So this is why we try to tell you “don’t plan or edit yourself so much.” Because if you over-strategize you’re actually limiting your message. 

Before you plan, your message is BIG and ALL of these people can hear it. But when you overthink and edit too much, you’re actually shrinking the message down to a small fragment and then only a few people can hear it. Be a little brave when you talk and say what you want to say. We know you are afraid… and worry but what are people going to think about me?”

When you become truthful and authentic about yourself, people are not going to judge you. Because they have so many insecurities in themselves, they honestly don’t have time to judge you!

Rather, when you share your authentic message in the way YOU share it, people actually appreciate and resonate with the truthfulness in it.

The reason why you sometimes feel stuck in what you are doing is because you are not saying everything.   

We’re telling you this because if you start to say everything (even the things you think people are going to judge you for), you will find that it’s OK. The people that don’t serve you, that don’t align with you, will naturally go away anyway…. whether you say those things or not!

So start opening up yourself.

You may just find that a lot of people are going through the same process and they are going to appreciate the fact that you are willing to open yourself up to share your process and your own experience of what it is like to start to wake up spiritually.

You see, the way you currently think about it is reversed. You think if you share your authentic self, your vulnerable parts, like “Oh, I am just learning spiritually…” then you’re not setting yourself up as the professional.

People don’t like to be told what to do. Right now you are trying to tell them what to do. Everyone inside is a child, and children don’t like to be told what to do. Ever try to tell a child to sit down?

Just like children, adults learn from other people often by following what they do, not necessarily following what they say. They want to know you hear them, and by sharing yourself they actually can learn through your mistakes.

Because when you can share yourself more vulnerably you’re telling people… Hey, I’m a human being and I’m going through a process here, but I’m getting it. I’m learning right now and this is how I am learning right now”… you will find there are also going to be people out there who can relate to the fact that they also have some kind of issues to overcome.  

So start putting your business in alignment with where you are going. Right now your business is a little bit off course because you are not showing yourself. You see, it feels off course because not all of you is in there. You’ll find that once you start putting a little bit more of you into the business, things will start to feel like they are going to flow.

–END–


And so….
Here I Am.
In a renewed commitment of the heart to “say everything” and “show myself.”

Interestingly enough, prior to sitting down and writing this note to you I received an email from my longtime copywriter.

She graciously shared that she would no longer be taking on freelance work. She has taken a full time job and would like to concentrate on that and her own writing. Of course I understand.

So, my editor is gone.
One might say purposely, divinely taken away from me.

I am left without a filter.
And I know I must not rush to replace her.
Rather allow myself to unfold into this unguarded, transparent space between us.

Comments

  1. Danielle,

    You are one of the most amazing, vulnerable, honest women I know. Maybe you were just like that in out 1:1 sessions. All I can say is I still treasure those sessions.

    You made more impact than anyone else I’ve coached with. It was before you were married, so you may not recall, but I was struggling (among other things) with finding my niche.

    xo, Darlene (from TX)
    P.S I think it’s the doctor in you that makes you think you have to appear to have it all together. Go all in… cuz your light is a gift to share 😉

    • https://danielle-dowling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/star.jpg

      Darlene! I literally have tears in my eyes. Thank you SO much for this beautiful, beautiful message…..it fills my heart to the brim. And of course I remember you, our sessions and I treasure them too. Thank you for total gift of a letter. It means more than you know.

  2. I had the same thought as above when I read this-you were so open in our one on one sessions and shared less than perfect things about your life and it made me feel like you understood me more.

    Also as said above, you are the best coach I have ever had. 💕💕

    • https://danielle-dowling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/star.jpg

      Oh, Krissy…thank you, thank you, thank you….it is so good to see your name pop up. I love what I do and when you share how much our sessions meant to you it makes me just want to cry tears of happiness….because all I want is to make a joyful difference in the world. Love you and please stay in touch. ox

  3. Well done, Danielle! I am so proud of you for sharing yourself honestly and authentically. This post was felt so good to read. It combines your personality, your growth, and may I say your professionalism. You are walking your talk, so that is as professional as you can get!

    Love you,
    Solera

  4. https://danielle-dowling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/star.jpg

    Solera! Thank YOU for your presence in my life. I always giggle at how cute we must have been, hanging out in the non-physical and planning our work together in advance. SO happy our paths have converged yet again….unexpected in the most miraculous way. The Universe Knows.

  5. You’re amazing, even (more) when you’re unpolished, raw, and vulnerable. I loved reading this post and I’m inspired by your journey. Thanks for keeping it real!

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