How To Breakup With Him (without the guilt or energy drain)

breaking-up

So you’re over him, huh?

Ka-put.

Finito.

An impending breakup is encroaching on the outskirts of your thoughts.  Your intuition is telling you—it’s time.

The single most important thing you need to know:  You have permission to go.

The truth of it?  Breakups are hard. Heartbreak is part of the the human experience of loving and being loved.

Chances are that both of you know things have been far from ideal lately.

But maybe you sense he still has hope and the idea of slicing his self-esteem in half has you second-guessing “the talk.”

Reality check: It’s a part of life, and you can’t prevent your partner from getting hurt.

Being in a relationship is a choice, and just as you made a choice to begin a relationship, you can make the choice to end it.

There will be hurt feelings.  There will be disappointment.

But, really? You’re giving  them the gift of freedom and the opportunity to find a partner who will celebrate them for who they are – with no amendments and no tweaks.

And what about you? Yeah, you.  Remember her?

You deserve to have what you want.

You want: eye contact, smiles,  crazy passionate sex + laughter?

You want: emotional support, loyalty + chemistry?

No problem.  It’s yours.

Right after this breakup.

If the relationship you are in has fallen short it must die in order for a new love to be born.

So how exactly do you break-up with someone quickly, with respect and with the least amount of drama possible?

You literally steal the nerve and then:

1. In private tell your partner you’d like to have a serious conversation. If he asks “what about?,” say you have decided that you need to end the relationship. It’s best to be straight forward.

Like ripping off a band-aid.  Do it quick.  Get the information on the table.

2. Every expert will tell you to have this conversation in person.  And you know what?  They’re right.  If you‘ve been on six or less dates you have a free pass to call instead.  Otherwise, suck it up, honor the relationship you had + schedule a date to meet. (Do not just ignore them or disappear–it’s rude and bad karma.–you want that?)

3. Hold your ground. It’s possible they won’t want to break up and they’ll attempt to convince you otherwise.  There are real reasons why you came to this decision.  Stay firm.  It’s not fair to go back to dating someone just because you feel guilty or “bad for them.”  This would be a waste of everyone’s time + a form of self-sabotage.  Choose to embrace the transition + stay focused so you can bypass the muck and mire of flip-flopping.

4. Do they have an important interview next Thursday? Milestone birthday coming up or a parent who is ill? The timing not working in your favor, huh? Feeling a little guiltily about wanting to run for the hills?  There is never a good time to leave, and the sooner you do it,  the sooner you both can get on with your lives.  It’s that simple.

5. No Contact. Why do we love violating this rule? There is no quicker way to fall down the rabbit hole of frustration than insisting on trying to create a friendship out of a failed relationship. It’s a bad idea and it’s hard on everyone.   If possible, don’t talk about ‘staying friends.’  If you’re meant to cross paths again one day- you will.

Now go get a mani/pedi + relish in your freedom.

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I’m a Los Angeles based relationship + life coach. I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition.   Want more life + dating advice?  Jump on my newsletter.   Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment?   Hire me.  You won’t regret it.

Do you have a pesky question burning a hole in your pocket? Email me at
d@danielle-dowling.com to submit a letter for my Smart Advice column.
Identities strictly confidential-of course.

© 2011 Danielle Dowling

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