Editor’s Note (2025):
This post was first written in 2012, back when my writing was more raw and poetic — and when I was just beginning to explore many of the themes that still anchor my work today. It’s a reminder that the lessons we learn about letting go — of relationships, jobs, dreams, or identities — remain timeless. Some things must end so something more true can begin.
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What Are You Still Holding On To?
What in your life feels so inflamed, so aggravated, that it gnaws at your psyche?
What keeps you up at night, restless and bleary-eyed?
What plays on repeat in the shower, or numbs you behind the wheel?
What in your life is dying, fading, falling apart — so that something else can be born?
And why don’t you let it go?
You know it’s over.
Done.
Complete.
Yet we cling, white-knuckled, to the scraps.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
This is our ancient fear of change running wild. We convince ourselves that the current decay must be better than the unknown waiting on the other side. Like scavenger dogs, we sink our teeth into the final remnants of a relationship, a job, a friendship, a dream.
But here’s the truth: you and I — we’ve all held on too long. Hoped too long. Carried it far past its usefulness.
Why don’t we let it die? Often because we don’t yet trust that life has something better waiting on the other side. We think we have so much to lose. But we are wrong.
How to Let Go and Move On With Trust
Everything is energy. Something is always dying so something more can live.
So I’ll ask you: What in your life right now needs to go? What is asking to be surrendered, honored, accepted, and lovingly released?
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The relationship is dying because this is all they can give — and it isn’t enough. There is someone out there who wants to give you what you want. Have the courage to go find them.
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The job is dying because you’ve outgrown it. Out-learned it. Out-used it. There’s another level calling you, but you can’t rise to it if you stay here. So don’t. Say goodbye.
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The dream is dying because it was too small for you. Your thinking was limited. You are larger. Let this ill-fitting vision die so something grander and more appropriate can take its place.
Whatever it is, let it end so you can be more fully you.
The Cycle of Death and Rebirth
As A Course in Miracles reminds us: “Your goal is to find out who you are.”
That goal requires our willing participation in the natural cycle of births and deaths.
So tell me — what in your life is fading?
What wants to die so a new piece of you can be born?
Death, as much as birth, is a doorway.
Begin again.
Begin today.
Begin now.
Life is waiting on the other side — patient, hopeful, and ready for you.
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
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Wish I’d known this when the relationship with my first husband went pear shaped!