On Monday we talked about three ways to instantly improve communication with your mister – but we can’t all be perfect all the time. I asked a few of my girls to dish on some of the silliest, most over-the-top arguments they’ve had with their partners. It’s always good to hear you’re not the only one, right?
My boyfriend and I are both what we call “word nerds”: we both play a mean game of Scrabble and have wide vocabularies. The stupidest argument we’ve ever had was over the pronunciation of the word “disparate.” I thought it was pronounced “despair-it” and he thought it was “dis-per-it.” We argued about this for hours, growing more and more angry about it. I grew so fed up with his insistence that he was correct that I stopped speaking to him for a little while (yes, really). Finally, my boyfriend used a dictionary iPhone app to play the pronunciation. He was correct, and so he continued to play it over and over again. It was nearly time for bed, and every time I’d almost fall asleep, he’d play it again, making me angry all over again. The next morning, he played it once more, and we both started laughing, realizing what a seriously stupid argument we’d been having.
– Amy Estes: teacher, writer, blogger at Just A Titch
Last month, my husband and I were sharing cab with a friend and when she asked how much she owed us for her portion of the cost, my husband told her not to worry, we would pay for it. On any normal night, this would have been fine but something about the way he cut me off to answer her rubbed me the wrong way. Once we dropped her off, I made a snide remark that when my friends talked to me about money, it wasn’t his place to talk for me. I even went so far as to say he was acting like a ‘Big Shot’!
Of course this irritated him and things quickly degenerated into me yelling at him on the streets on Manhattan at 1:15 am – and I wasn’t even sure what I was mad about! Finally my amazing husband took a deep breath and asked me to recount the story and tell me where I got upset. He listened closely and then asked, “is it that you felt I was disrespecting you by not letting you think for yourself and answer your friend’s questions?” He was very sweet and said that he understands that no one likes to feel like their voice doesn’t matter. He apologized and I instantly felt better.
– M.E., Entertainment Industry, Hollywood, CA
When my husband and I first started dating we planned our first vacation to Laguna Beach. I’m terrible with directions and assumed that he would know how to get there, since we grew up in southern California. We had the car packed and at the gas station he turned to me to ask how to get there. I thought he was being sarcastic and went along with the joke saying, “I don’t know, you tell me, haha” We quickly realized that it was 11pm and neither of us knew how to get there (this was before GPS was available on our phones, a feature that has greatly benefited our relationship)
I instantly took offense when he got upset and told him it was all his fault that we were starting out our first vacation in a negative way, I had always depended on him to navigate so why would I know the directions this time?! After about 30 minutes of fighting, he calmly pulled out his Thomas guide and got us there safe and sound.
The next morning we woke up and laughed about the night before and thankfully were able to walk away with a lesson. We now refer to that vacation as when we first fell in love, who knew that with such a rocky start that it would have ended so well.
–Chelsea Napuri: chef and owner of Bella Bites Cake Pops
Two of my favorite things are road trips and dancing – so I obviously love dancing in the driver’s seat while I’m road tripping. During one such road trip, Destiny’s Child’s Independent Woman came on the radio. Of course, this necessitated lots of fist-pumps and head bobs. When my then-boyfriend tried to good-naturedly tease me about my car dancing, I completely lost my shit. “Why do you always have to stifle me?! Why can’t you just let me enjoy myself? Why do you have to suck the joy out of everything?!”
Overreact, much? But at the heart of this blow up was the fact that I did, really, feel that he didn’t let me enjoy myself. And part of me resented that he didn’t like dancing and that he was unwilling to look silly. And a few days later, after everything had blown over, we were able to have an actual, productive conversation about this. Instead of yelling at each other over the sound of Beyonce.
– Sarah Von: writer, editor, blogger at Yes and Yes
What’s the most ridiculous fight you’ve ever had?
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© 2011 Danielle Dowling
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
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