Dear D: My Boyfriend and I Broke Up + I Don’t Know Why

Dear D,
I was just dumped really unexpectedly by my boyfriend of 9 months.  Our relationship was fun and sexy and totally on track to go somewhere. I had no idea that anything was wrong, but a few nights ago he announced that he’d been feeling “emotionally dull” and that “this just wasn’t what he wanted right now.”  I was totally, totally blindsided.

He’s been divorced for 1.5 years from his high school sweetheart and he always told me that it was an amicable divorce.  He’d dated other women before he met me and he took the lead with introducing me to his friends + family and calling me his girlfriend.  I never doubted that he cared about me, but clearly I misread something.

What did I do wrong?
– Rachel


Sounds like he didn’t know that he wasn’t ready for something serious.

He is ready for ‘light, carefree, honeymoon period dating’ but nothing that feels an inkling close to marriage.  And, it appears, he just discovered that he feels that way.

He can do “fun boyfriend” not “serious boyfriend.”

“Fun boyfriend” not “life partner material boyfriend.”

You’re in “life partner material” boyfriend zone.

Seems like that just hit him and he subsequently decided it was too much responsibility.

Does that sound on point-ish?

Lesson: never trust a man who married his high school sweetheart +  has only been divorced from her a year and a half to tell you he is ready to be in a relationship.

You have to think for him.

Look at that history.

He’s not ready.
He’s not going to ready for at least another year.  
He needs to stretch out.  Run around.  Drink some beer.

I know it’s hard to put the breaks on when he’s got you trotting down the “meet the parents” trail but proceed with lots and lots of caution.  He could be well-intentioned  but when tested by the day in and day out routine of a relationship it opens up the flood gate to “relationship responsibility” brew-ha-ha that he literally just hauled himself out of.

No more dating divorced men unless they have been divorced 3 or more years. 

3 years should be enough to work the kinks out. 3!




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