Notes To My Younger Self

Notes to my younger self

Notes To My Younger Self is helping spread the word about The Post College Survival Kit. We learned the hard way so you don’t have to! You don’t have to wait till your thirties for a better job, a cuter apartment, financial stability, better relationships + friendships.

Oh, but hindsight is 20/20, isn’t it? Like most of us, there are many (many) things I’d do differently if I had to live through my twenties again.

Different dating decisions.
Different career decisions.
Different hair + eyeliner-related decisions. (Blue eyeliner seemed like a good idea at the time! Really!)

In the name of helping you avoid those mistakes (eyeliner-related or otherwise) here are three things I want every twenty-something to know.

1. A man is not a financial plan
Like many other women before me, I have made the mistake of believing that I needed a man in order to feel whole + emotionally and/or financially secure. But operating from the mindset that a relationship will save you, complete you or usher in the success you’ve been chasing is a guaranteed way to remain both single + unhappy.

Even though we’re living in a time when women can choose to be with a man because we LIKE him – not because we need someone to pay the rent – some of us are still hoping for the day when a (preferably wealthy) man with a generous heart swoops in and saves us from our credit card debt + money troubles.

If you’re looking for a sustainable sense of security and wholeness it cannot be found in an outside resource. A relationship will not rid you of feelings of loneliness, fear or insecurity. Those are inherent to the human condition. There is no man, no job, no home or amount of wealth that can ever generate an ongoing, uninterrupted sense of fulfillment.

Shift your perspective + reassign the misplaced hope. The fact is, you are already SAFE and you already have enough. Stop waiting for Prince Charming to come along and make it all better. Contribute to your 401k, automatically transfer $50 a week from your bank account into a savings account, meet with a financial planner. It’s time to be a grown up.

2. Eat real, whole, healthy food when you are hungry
Feeling happy, at home, and content in your body is not truly attained by being ‘skinny.’ It’s a product of vitality. Respect your body and honor the vehicle. Don’t punish it and betray it with two-hour workouts and power bar lunches.

When you’re hungry, eat something – preferably something fresh, green, or free from chemicals or additives. When you want something sweet, eat it. Learn how to cook for yourself and nourish your body and life with healthy, delicious food.

3. You are your own best friend. You are in very capable hands.
I didn’t always trust myself to take care of myself. I spent a lot of time seeking approval + advice from other people and questioned myself constantly.

My parents divorced and sold the home I grew up in when I was 23 and my father passed away when I was 27. I lost several friends on 9.11. The combination of these experiences pushed me to create a very small, very predictable world. I was afraid to dream big or think about what I really wanted, out of fear it would be taken away from me. I constantly questioned if I was going to ‘be okay’ and thought that stability and security came from external sources. I also imagined that the stability I was seeking would come in the form of a wealthy husband and a house in the Hamptons.

Sweet, worried, young Danielle,
It’s safe to dream.
You can take care of what is important to you.
You can handle whatever comes your way.
There is no achievement and no failure you can make that will ever affect your intrinsic value as a human being.
You are smart and resilient and with a lot of faith and a whole lotta hustle there is nothing you can’t accomplish.
You’ve always figured it out and you always will.
There has never been a situation you haven’t figured it out, so why would this moment be any different?

What advice would you share with your younger self?

 

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I’m a Los Angeles based life coach + business coach.
I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition.
Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment? Hire me. You won’t regret it.

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Comments

  3. I really loved this- as a woman turned 40, divorced and single mom of 2 boys for the last 13 years I can most definitely relate to this! I don’t think it matters how old you are, there are circumstances that could throw you in a tailspin at any moment. I’ve survived without child support, lack of family support, job loss and being afraid out of my mind as to what the next step should be (all through my 30’s). I chose to stand up, chin up and never stop fighting- I now have a great career and am able to pay the bills and provide the boys a comfortable life; all on my own. I did cling desperately for a long time hoping for the knight on the white horse- all I did was blunder through dating- Im ok now. Single 🙂

    • Hi Lauren! Thank you so much for sharing. I just wrote the below bit for a future blog post but I think it might mean something for you! xx

      Dear Self:
      I love you. I’m here. I will protect you and support you until your last breath.
      There is nothing you can ever do to loose my love and respect. I will love you
      through despair, defeat, joy and delicious contentment. I am braver than failure
      and sronger than doubt. I will stay with you through it all.

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