A few weeks ago, I shared a few Notes to My Younger Self, sharing things that I really, really wish sweet, young Danielle would have known. It was an introspective and ultimately healing task, for which I am grateful.
Tucked amongst my advice about financial planning and drinking more smoothies, one particular insight struck a chord – it even came up in several coaching calls!
That wisdom?
No matter what age you are, you can be your own best friend.
We forget this too often, don’t we?
Many of us spend a lifetime disappearing into those we love; entwining ourselves in
their happiness and their well-being. We “rise to the occasion” for him, her, them and it.
We throw ourselves into making sure they are happy, content + satisfied.
We feel confident doing so. We know at a cellular level that, gosh darn it, we can help!
We proclaim, if only as a inaudible whisper to ourselves,
“You can have my time, my money, my devotion, my love, my shoulder to cry on.
I will carry all your pain and protect you from your own insecurity.
I will cheer you on when you doubt your worth and capabilities.”
You will project all sorts of good qualities onto them that they haven’t even refined in themselves. Yet, when it comes to doing the exact same for ourselves, we fall short.
Why are we so skilled at erecting an undeniable faith in those we love and such deep despair + doubt in ourselves?
How is it that we can be a good friend to everyone but ourselves?
If you can be the rock of gibraltar + zen master for others of course (of course!)
you can be that for yourself.
You must be.
You simply use the same qualities you express externally – just folded inwards.
Recognize a friend in yourself.
Have you ever desired more love, contentment, romance, money, health, adventures, friendships + faith? I know I have. (And the hundreds of women I have coached in the last three years have also. )
Decide right now, in one fell swoop, that you will come through for yourself.
Trust yourself to handle whatever comes your way.
Trust that you can take care of what is important to you.
Pursue what is meaningful to you.
Cultivate what moves you.
Perhaps a sincere declaration is necessary.
Dear Self:
I love you. I’m here. I will protect you and support you until your last breath.
There is nothing you can ever do to lose my love and respect. I will love you
through despair, defeat, joy, and delicious contentment. I am braver than failure
and stronger than doubt. I will stay with you through it all.
Your love + support is not just for the world around you
but also for the world that exists within you.
You are your own best friend.
You are in very capable hands.
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen
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I have been put into the position of being alone (due to multiple deaths in the family) and am dealing with this issue right now. I have always been there for everyone and now that I’m alone with just myself, I find it hard to believe in myself and am suffering from terrible anxiety and fear over this. I am trying so hard to be my own friend and have faith in myself. Thanks for this article. I especially loved the message of the title. “You are in very capable hands” hit just the right spot for me. It will be my new mantra.
Lovely post! Ad so fitting my own life right now. I am trying to focus a lot more on myself right now. Love myself before loving others – that’s my mantra at the moment.
I am always there for my friends and family, but way to often I forget to be there for myself as well. But that is about to change: )
Thank you for your inspiring post!
xoxo, Ronja
http://www.sothisiswhat.com