Scrap your Mr. Perfect list.
What if I told you that when you annihilate the borders of restriction you allow in a tide of eligible men?
Would you be willing to release + let go of what you think will make you happy in a man?
Yes? Cool. Stay with me a minute.
Courage is key here.
Up until now, your checklist has been a self-erected barricade to love and probably
held you back from getting precisely what you want – and more. Is it possible that your list has become a convenient excuse allowing you to dodge the challenge + closeness of a real relationship?
Often it can seem easier to remain single + independent then exposing ourselves to the
vulnerability + intimacy that is inherent in love’s blind faith.
So with fear at our back – what do we do? Seconds after meeting someone, we compare
him to our Mr. Perfect list and judge him as not “the one.” Sound familiar?
(I’ve been guilty of it too, woman.)
Who is Mr. Perfect anyway?
He is an idealized vision you have of the man you should be with for the rest of your life. He’s an illusion – a fictional character you’ve created based on limited, crumbling + faded information from your past. It will be impossible to find the right man for you now – in the present – while your check list is based on an old, less brilliant version of you.
Take notice of where are you anchored.
Is it in the past, in fiction or reality?
Get to pulse of your consciousness.
Let’s use me as an example. I am 35 this October + about 7 years ago I sat down and wrote
out my perfect man checklist. I sealed it in an envelope and put it in a wish box under my bed.
My Mr. Perfect looked like this: 6’2, sandy blond/brown hair + boyish-all American good looks. (think Matt Damon but taller) He would be a power executive at a major firm who had VIP
meetings on his cell phone while drinking a wheat-grass juice on the way to the gym. He had
to live in the city + have an impeccable sense of style.
4 years later I still hadn’t found him. Why? Because I constructed this list based on old
thought patterns, reactions, and judgements. I was unable to see that anyone else existed.
And I was lonely.
I needed to create a new normal for myself – pronto.
I set out on a mission to penetrate the present. I ripped up my perfect man checklist +
immersed myself in discovering what was true for me now. I began investigating the way I dated. I let go of stale ideas of what I thought would make me happy in a man. I was petitioning the universe to bring me something completely new + fresh.
Today, I’m in love with an amazing man who brings me complete elation. He is 5’11 with dark, thick black hair, sexy ethnic eyes, hates wheat grass + has an obsession with coffee. He is passionate about his career + prosperous but he’s certainly not wheeling + dealing major real estate ventures. He owns his home out towards the desert + to my lovely surprise I enjoy listening to the rustle of the trees at night rather than honking horns.
See the contrast?
My ideas of the ideal man were so pale and so restricted compared to his shine.
:: Are you short-changing yourself?
:: Is it possible that your vision of the perfect man is way too narrow?
:: Why confine yourself to some fantasy idea of who you think you should be with?
Love is art + art is risky.
Take a risk.
Torch self-limiting dating concepts.
Love is waiting for you on the other side
+ she is pure and she is encouraging.
I’m a Los Angeles based relationship counselor + life coach. I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition. Want more life + dating advice? Jump on my newsletter. Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment? Hire me. You won’t regret it.
© 2011 Danielle Dowling
Photo Credit: Eleni Koureas/Unsplash