The unkind things you tell yourself (+ how to stop)

the unkind things we do to ourselves red and blue painting

We’ve all got ‘em:
An on-going list of things we tell ourselves, stories we’ve made up about the type of people we are and how we navigate life. We replay these stories ad infinitum in our minds.

Sometimes, we tell ourselves loving, nurturing things:
I’m great at handling stressful situations.
I have good taste in human beings and I choose wonderful friends and partners.
Things usually work out for me!

And sometimes, often times, we tell ourselves unkind things:
I’m always broke and I can never stick to a budget.
Did he call? DID HE CALL? Let me check my phone again. They never call me back!
I’m not loveable.

Sound familiar? Yup, we all do it.

In psychologist-speak we call these circular, repeating thoughts ‘scripts’. They’re a mental brew we create (either intentionally or unintentionally) that can be powerful enough to direct our emotions and actions.

We (often inadvertently) create these scripts ourselves and the more we use them and listen to them, the stronger they become. So if you’re repeatedly thinking self abusive, hopeless things, you’re reinforcing that message.

You’re literally convincing yourself that you’re not deserving,
not worthy, and not good enough.

And if you repeatedly tell yourself you’re not loveable, you’ll start to believe it. You’ll retreat and prevent yourself from being open or accepting love and intimacy, making your negative script a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But lucky for us – it’s totally, 100% possible to stop that internal litany.

Scripts are like messages recorded on a cassette tape and the way to destroy damaging scripts is to cut the tape, so to speak.

How do we cut that imaginary tape? Visualize the script as a cassette tape and imagine scissors cutting through that thin, black ribbon. This creates a “breaking the habit” act. By cutting the tape, we’re sending our mind the message that we’re detaching from the script.

When you observe the negative script beginning to play out, simply pause and state “cancel-cancel,” effectively breaking the thought pattern. Then consciously pull up a thought, person or experience you feel grateful for. Ask yourself “What’s working in my life right now?”

To simplify:
Step 1:  Acknowledge that a negative script has begun to play out
Step 2:  Say “cancel-cancel” or imagine “cutting the tape”
Step 3: Direct your brain in a more empowering, positive direction by answering the question: “What’s working for me right now?”

You deserve better than a mental lists of unkind, untrue things on repeat.
Clear your mind, cut the tape, and lean into a sweeter, freer mind and life. Tweet this!


I’m a Los Angeles based life + love coach.
I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition.
Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment?   Hire me.  You won’t regret it.


  1. Hi Kate! Thank you so much for your comments. I’m happy to hear this tool really works for you and has for awhile! I have been doing some form of this now for a few years—it is a huge reality check + has definitely prevented many spirals out of control! Please stay in touch! xx

  2. Up until recently I’ve been having some really negative thoughts. I’ve sunk right down to where I felt like there was no point in getting out of bed. I think this is a FANTASTIC mental thing you can do. When you feel yourself spiral downwards just stopping and saying ‘no’. Then going on to think on other things. I’ve also found it works with like heartbreak. If I’m trying to get over someone, the moment I start thinking about them or complimenting them in my head I stop myself, say no, and think on something different. It’s totally worked for me in the past! A great piece of advice! xx

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