Give me a “Hell yeah!” if
– you want to have a drama free relationship.
– you want to euthanize insecurity.
– you want to end the dating exasperation you have experienced up until now.
Good. We agree.
Let’s start with a heart-centered strategy
Because you are SO ready to have what you want.
The strategy begins with exposing some of the relationship falsehoods we’ve been fed by society. Somewhere along the way you have been misled about what it takes to create a legendary duo. And when you’re operating with faulty facts it’s nearly impossible manifest the results you want.
But no more.
Let’s clear up a few of those falsehoods, douse you with raw reality (ouch),
point you in the right direction for romance + set you on your smoldering, love-making way.
Juicy, right? I guarantee by following these two essential tips you will extinguish 98% of your frustrations in relationships and pave the way to experiencing the kind of mutually rewarding + loving partnerships you not only crave but deserve.
How’s that for a proposal?
I love going big.
Men Are “As-Is” Merchandise
Have you ever found yourself on a first or 22nd date thinking he’d be perfect if only he lost a few pounds, put on a few pounds, had hair, had a more impressive career, was wealthier, more affectionate, younger, older blahblahblah?
FACT: Men don’t want to be changed or improved.
But we L-O-V to tweak ‘em don’t we? The truth is, if you’re a woman and have ever dated anyone you have probably wanted to change him. What if I told you that this behavior may be one of the reasons you’re single or unhappy in your current relationship?
Let’s meditate on this.
How would you feel if the man you were with was constantly trying change or “tweak” you? What if he suggested you lose a little weight, earn more money, dress sexier and learn how to cook? Would you feel attracted to him?
Men want to be appreciated for who they already are and you have got to give up trying to change his original packaging. One of the biggest mistakes women make is trying to improve a man into something he’s not.
Imagine it’s date number one. Assess how attracted you are to him, understand what he can provide in a relationship and then decide whether or not you are interested in him. You must look at WHAT IS and decide if he is a good fit for you RIGHT NOW.
If a “yes” bubbles up, then keep enjoying his company. But if a laundry list of “tweaks”
begin to stream through your dolled up, date-ready self? Let. Him. Go.
This is not to say if your honey of two years has suddenly packed on 35 pounds you should just accept it. Communication is critical in any healthy relationship. However, there’s an immense difference between communicating about what works for you and what doesn’t and trying to improve someone.
So if you’re not happy about some aspect of the man your dating, you have two choices.
1. To communicate clearly (and with compassion) what is concerning you + then wait for his response. It’s possible that you’ll be in agreement! At which point you can discuss possible resolutions + work together as a team. However, if not –
2. Keep it moving, sister. If you feel very strongly about your concerns and it’s going to burn a hole in your stomach + he doesn’t want to comply – you’ve gotta move on. He is just not the one for you.
Ultimately, your job is to simply be there and speak your truth about what is working and what isn’t. If he wants to adjust anything he’ll need to pull up the strength within himself to do so.
If your priorities are misaligned, be courageous enough to move on. It’s ultimately selfish to stay in something that isn’t fulfilling. You both deserve to be with someone who celebrates you just the way you are.
A Relationship Will Not Save You
Filling the void in your heart can not be accomplished just by having a man.
A man will not save you.
You must be the administer of your own rescue.
You’re worth it.
Operating from the mindset that a relationship will save you, complete you or usher in the success you have been yearning is a guaranteed way to remain both single + unhappy.
I, myself, have made the mistake of believing that I needed a man in order to feel whole + emotionally and/or financially secure. In a way it is woven into our genetics. Our DNA has a sharp memory + for longer than not women have needed men for survival.
But! We’re living in a time when women have the choice of being with a man because we LIKE him – not because we need someone to pay the rent. However, our cultural morays haven’t necessarily caught up to reality and women are conditioned to believe we’re somehow incomplete without a committed relationship.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
If you’re looking for a sustainable sense of security and wholeness it cannot be found in any outside resource. A relationship will not rid you of the feelings of loneliness, fear or insecurity that are inherent in the human condition. There is no man, no job, no home or amount of wealth that can ever generate an ongoing, uninterrupted sense of fulfillment in you.
You are already SAFE.
FACT: Holding back in your life is what’s keeping him away.
Stop waiting for Prince Charming to come along and make it all better.
Stop putting off your dreams.
Stop delaying taking action on the things you know you want most for yourself.
Invest, now, in your career.
Invest, now, in your education.
Invest, now, in your finances + health.
When you invest in yourself first and stop holding back all the neediness that drives men bonkers will evaporate because you have made the executive choice to stop using a relationship to fix yourself.
Instead of secretly waiting for things to get better once you meet “the one,” you begin living your life with authenticity + spunk. Understanding and acting on this knowledge will instantly make you more relaxed, sexy and genuine to men.
Now. Go get him + keep him, honey!
I’m a Los Angeles based relationship counselor + life coach. I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition. Want more life + dating advice? Jump on my newsletter. Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment? Hire me. You won’t regret it.
© 2011 Danielle Dowling