It sounds like this:
It’s cold out, take a sweater.
Don’t leave that here. Put it back where it belongs.
That’s too expensive, you can’t spend that.
Oh no, you can’t do that!
Ladies: your guy is not a fresh-faced five-year-old.
Men don’t need to be trained and scolded like puppies.
For the love of your love life: resist the urge to whip out motherly advice. Our misplaced maternal tonality is more than emasculating. It’s a cease and desist order on those steamy nights you long for.
Sexy seductress? Forget it. When you’re busy demanding and reprimanding your man, you’ll remind him more of his third grade teacher. Or worse… his mother.
We know you’ve got his best interests at heart. You don’t mean to boss him around, but it just comes out that way, right?
It’s lovely that you want your honey to be A-OK but this is a primo opportunity to distinguish between the nurturing feminine qualities we recognize as the best in our own Mothers, and “mothering.”
And yup. You’ve guessed it- ya gotta quit mothering.
Our femininity exists at a cellular level. We’re born with a galaxy of intoxicating qualities; facets of femininity that nurture, seduce and support the men in our lives.
We heal. We comfort. We empathize, sympathize, and we certainly know how to pay a compliment.
Your guy craves these maternal qualities. You make him feel cared for. You patch him up for his next battle. Your laser focused attention restores and renews him while your unwavering faith gives him strength. Your tenderness & encouragement is elation, lifts his mood and is nothing less than suh-weet.
Maternal affection is natural.
Mothering is cruel.
When you mother your man, your game is manipulation + control. Your advice, beliefs, and affection are no longer sweet gifts. They’re more like blunt hammers straight to his aching temples.
Try this power-duo of natural nurturing techniques instead:
1. Invite him.
Inviting is open, free-flowing and easy.
Instead of: “Here’s some cold medicine. Take it.”
Try: “You don’t feel well? Is there anything I can do to help?”
2. Demonstrate & Reinforce by Thanking.
Men are innately generous. They really do want us to have what we need, but they certainly aren’t mind readers.
Kindly explain how you enjoy things done (Ahem… this includes in the bedroom. Meow!) When he gets it right, remember to thank him.
Giving begets giving.
Give patience, detailed information, and respect.
He’ll give it right back.
Do you ever catch yourself mothering your mister? How do you stop yourself?
I’m a Los Angeles based relationship + life coach. I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition. Want more life + dating advice? Jump on my newsletter. Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment? Hire me. You won’t regret it.
© 2011 Danielle Dowling