A friend recently did something that made me truly question their character.
Well, to be honest, they did a few somethings that made me raise an eyebrow
but this was the very last straw and I found myself feeling pissed.
Like, flames-coming-out-of-my-ears angry.
I know what you’re thinking.
I spend a lot of time writing about ascending to a higher consciousness and the
more spiritual response to my anger should have been “Everything happens
for a reason. It’s all unfolding exactly the way it is meant too.”
Forgiveness is a bedrock of a spiritual practice.
This, we all know and choosing happiness over righteousness is divine.
But just as fear has something to teach you, so does anger. Honestly, it’s an essential component to the whole enlightenment process. Arriving at forgiveness + peace is an evolutionary process and anger’s role in that evolution has gotten a bad rap.
So you got hurt? Betrayed? Maybe abandoned, disrespected and wronged?
Resist the urge to skate over those feelings, to brush them under the rug. Doing so invalidates your very real hurt and stifles your power.
Choose instead to shine an ultra white, piercing light on it.
Bring your darkness to the light.
The healing you seek lies on the other side of pausing, hanging out with your anger–without judgement— (because, really, judgement is so unhelpful) and declaring it for what it is–painful.
Ignore the desire to plow through processing your anger quickly.
That desire is probably rooted in some misappropriated sense of shame for getting
hurt in the first place. You are not responsible for other people’s bad behavior. 
If you feel like you got screwed, give yourself the permission to take the full 60 minutes or 19 days to deconstruct your anger and make better sense of it.
Look back on the history of humanity.
Is it not true that acceptance and peace most often lies on the other side of understanding?
Give yourself the gift of space to feel the anger,
the time to establish clear cut recognition of the circumstances,
and – inevitably – the freedom to dance into forgiveness.
+++++++++++++++
I’m a Los Angeles based life + love coach.
I offer a sharp combination of keen insight, know-how + intuition.
Interested in laser focused one-on-one treatment? Hire me. You won’t regret it.
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen
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Thank you for your wisdom as always, Danielle. I recently had an experience where a friend let me down in a big way, which made me angry and sad. You’re right, I am not responsible for her behavior, only my own. I’ve worked through the anger piece. I just need to be okay with forgiving her but not being able to trust her again.
xo
Angela