Might I suggest: Don’t trust your doctor because they’re a doctor; trust them because they’ve earned it. Let me explain. Sometime, long before I started writing Good Girl, Bad Mom, (Did I mention I wrote a book? More on that later.) I noticed I wasn’t feeling well—not quite like myself.
I became increasingly irritable, definitely depressed, most probably anxious. My thyroid went haywire, and my vagina dried up—can we say vagina here? I ignored the majority of these symptoms most of the time, except when, in classic fashion, I blamed them on Motherhood. Which isn’t unreasonable—so, can you fault a girl? That was, until they became impossible to ignore, and at that point, about a year and a half after my Mother passed away.
Wait—did I tell you about the stop-in-your-tracks panic attacks and heart palpitations I had—for over a year?! Yikes. We have SO MUCH to catch up on! They started the day my Mother passed away, and naturally, I initially attributed them to her death…and then, parenthood—because it’s hard out here for an aging Mother, y’all.
Well, I’m now convinced that, while exasperated by grief, they were actually linked to perimenopause and its hallmark: fluctuating hormones. (Dun-dun-duuuunnnn!) I mean, if it wasn’t challenging enough to be a woman, how about biology heaving your “I-had-no-idea-how-critical-for-my-mental-and-physical-health-hormones-are” off the side of a cliff — as if it was helping!
All hail the woman or Mother going through perimenopause. I mean, the brain fog is real, people. I can’t even remember the right words to use when yelling at my child. Rome is most definitely burning.
If you can relate—and honestly, even if you can’t just yet (there’s really no escaping, so join us) I’m sorta lit-up about sharing bits and pieces of my menopausal journey—fumbles and follies included, because humor heals, as well as practical tools and tips for optimal healthspan. But whatya say we begin at the beginning and find the right menopause specialist for your journey?
STORY TIME!
Speaking of how to choose the right doctor, when I presented a litany of symptoms to a prior OBGYN, she suggested I stay on birth control until 50 years old, at which point we could speak about alternative options. PSA: If your doctor suggests the same, without sound reasoning (and evidence!) as to why that’s in your highest interest, run for the hills.
These are highly nuanced discussions, and anyone who suggests the same without good reason is not familiar enough with the life-altering changes of menopause and, therefore, equipped to guide you safely and effectively.
She is no longer my doctor—and you know why? Because I deserve to feel good, and I refuse to feel bad about subject matters that are within my control. I reject being left in the dark regarding my mental and physical health. I will not live with brain fog, heart palpitations, or out-of-the-blue weight gain.
I will not stand for insomnia, brittle bones, or paralyzing depression. And yes, we need to be able to say ‘vagina’ because where we’re going, the patient is the doctor. Meaning, our health and subsequent happiness are our responsibility; gone are the days of trusting one doctor’s word and then burying our collective heads in the sand until the next check-up–only to discover that we’re very, very sick. (I have a story about that tooooooo–it’s on my list for us.)
Our world may not be perfect, and in most regards, we’ve got way more information than serves us, but in this instance, in the case of perimenopause and menopause, it positions us for a powerful counterattack.
SIDE NOTE: The average age for reaching menopause—the point when a woman has not had a period for 12 consecutive months—is 51. However, the onset of perimenopausal symptoms in some women may begin as early as 35. Translation—if you’re between the ages of 35-55 I hope you’re paying attention.
So, my fierce and formidable sister, how about we shake off complacency and bury generations of healthcare inequality by advocating for the medical specialist you deserve? That’s right—no need to picket in Times Square. Instead, you do Womankind a ‘solid’ when insisting on medical care specific to your unique and womanly needs. How’s that for win/win?
And because I’m a girls-girl, I made you a FREE-no-strings-attached guide to finding the right doctor who actually understands what you’re going through. Navigating perimenopause & menopause shouldn’t feel like guesswork, and these are the high-level awarenesses I discovered over the last 18 months (real-rudimentary-like) but in a clear, organized, and might I say, lovely presentation.
💡 Inside Your Free Kit:
✅ A doctor checklist—so you know the right questions to ask
✅ Directories of certified menopause specialists
✅ Personalized treatment guidance—because feeling bad is NOT an option
Did I mention it’s free? You don’t have to do anything except download it and I won’t even put you on my email list and spam you—because guess what? You already are! Look how nicely that worked out.
Xx,
D
PS-I’ve been hanging out on Instagram lately. If you want to say howdy, stop by.
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen
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