Allow me to set the scene:
I’m talking to a client who has recently broken up with an amazing guy who worshiped the ground she floated over.
“Why did you walk away from him?”
“I don’t know, ” she said mystified and withdrawn.
“Could it be because you were afraid of having what you wanted?” I offered.
Lightbulb. Yes, that’s it.
Self sabotage is a bitch.
And she’ll cost you.
We reach for self sabotage when we fear our own empowerment.
Why?
Why?
Change can = pain.
So why push forward any.way. you can?
Because it’s worth it.
Know with every fiber of your being that what you want the most: the relationship, the career, the body, the chance– all lie on the other side of your willingness to change.
Analyze your motivations; get curious.
Why are you afraid to have what you want most?
Why are you NOT leaning in?
Curiosity packs the power to move you forward.
Let it.
Refuse and the long term pain of sabotage has the potential to dismantle you. To rob you of who you seek to be; of where you aspire to ascend to.
Self-sabotage will snatch from your clutches:
relationships
connection
How to stop self-sabotage in its tracks:
:: When you feel yourself edging out of your comfort zone (and then panicking and wanting to return to The Known), take a deep breath and remember: you’re not going to die.
:: When you find yourself engaging in sabotaging behavior – dating ‘Bad Boys,’ skipping the gym, missing deadlines, not returning the call, email, text – ask yourself “Is this getting me closer to where I want to go?”
:: When you’re avoiding The Hard Work you have to do to get where you want to go – the tough conversations, the long hours, the early morning workouts – say “I love myself enough to do this.”
Shelve your fear, loosen your shackles and desire a life of satisfaction
more than you begrudge change; more than the pain of discovery
and the responsibility of awareness.
And then act.
XO
Photo by lucas mendes on Unsplash
JOIN the tribe
Get free love + life advice that’s inspiring + unapologetic. Plus, download my checklist: 36 Ways to Be Happier Now. Relax into a life that’s clearer, calmer and….well, happier!
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen
Nice to read something so refreshing, I think I pushed a great guy away because I didn’t believe it would last and he deserved better. Thank you Danielle.
Fear is a double-edge sword!
Wow, I really needed this. I felt that this was directed at me. I love this
Wow, I felt like my emotions are being flowing out of my soul which has been cluthched , caged , not able to go out even though knowing cant drag my feet even a step ahead. Thanks everything is over now I can step & run to be my own self, to do & to be what is destined & what I dream to be. Thanks a lot.
Thank You this is right on time.